For klingonlady

[whiteink]

Title: Christmas Wish
Length/Word Count: ~2300
Pairing/Characters: Nell, Eric, Callen
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox ... I'm just playing in it. I'll clean up when I'm done.
Summary: Nell tries to figure out who she wants to spend Christmas with. A 2 part story from the bunnies
Spoilers: none


Part 1

She opened her eyes, squinting against the bright sunlight and groaned. She didn’t remember most of last night after she was done with her elf duties. Looking around the room she suddenly realized that she didn’t recognize the room she was in.

She remembered the beginning of the evening when she kissed Eric. And the part when he showed up in full elf regalia and helped her. She remembered going back to his place to hang out because he refused to go to a restaurant in tights. She remembered laughing over beer while they watched a movie. She remembered opening the bottle of rum. After that it got fuzzy.

She cautiously looked around the room. It was neat, but she could see in the closet a row of plaid shirts, and there was a pair of khaki shorts tossed over the edge of the dresser. An autographed Star Wars poster was on the wall, and she could see some framed surfing photos on the dresser beside the shorts.

Eric’s room.

It had to be. There wasn’t any other explanation. She was in Eric’s room. In his bed. She grimaced as she pulled the covers up to check beneath them. No tights. No cute little elf suit. Instead a t-shirt and underwear. This was bad. This was worse than bad.

She was dead.

She had done heaven only knows what with Eric while drunk, after kissing him under the mistletoe while she was sober. And she had cheated on Callen.

Except it couldn’t really be considered cheating if they weren’t really dating.

Except that now it meant that there were probably two guys that she worked with that she may be fooling around with outside of the office. Except for that one time with Callen in the office. And she had kissed Eric there the day before. But that was really the fault of the mistletoe.

She was screwed.

She was so screwed.

She had planned on showing up at Callen’s house on Christmas morning. But with the case she knew he wouldn’t even be there. And they had fought before he left, the casual tone of his voice telling her that he didn’t want a relationship. It wasn’t something that she would quickly forget, but she hadn’t expected to be the one to finish off anything that they may have had my spending the night with someone else.

She had feelings for him. She hadn’t expected that when the first went out for drinks together. She hadn’t even expected that when she woke up in the bed beside him one morning. She hadn't even expected it when he pulled her in the file room and kissed her. It had been subtle, and she had just been ready to admit it to him when he casually brushed her off when she asked about his Christmas plans.

And now she was almost naked and in Eric's bed. There was no way she could salvage anything with Callen now. Except that if she had to choose she didn't want Eric. She just wanted to feel like she was wanted. And she knew that Eric wanted her. He didn't even try to hide those feelings from her anymore. He was there any time she was ready.

It wouldn't be fair to him, but maybe she could learn to love him. He'd be easy to love. It wouldn't take the effort that it took to care about Callen. Except that she wasn't sure he could ever be enough for her. But maybe he wouldn't care. Maybe part of her heart would be enough and he would be happy with that.

Or maybe she could just quit her job and run away.

She threw Eric's blanket over her head and burrowed into the middle of the bed and wished that she could disappear. She heard a knock on the bedroom door and she shut her eyes. Opening them could only make things worse.

"Nell?" Eric asked softly. "Are you up? Do want some tea?"

She moaned into the sheets. Why did he have to be standing outside of his bedroom door talking to her. Why couldn't he just leave, go surfing or something, and let her slink out.

Because he was Eric. Leaving was something Callen would do. Making her tea was something Eric would do.

"Nell?" he called out as he knocked softly on the door. "You ok in there?"

"Go away, Eric," she called out. "Please. Just go away."

She hadn't expected him to listen, and she wasn't surprised when she heard the door swing open. She held on tight to the covers that were still over her head, silently refusing to come out when she felt him sit down on the bed beside her.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said softly. "Because if I do, then all it's going to do is make it more awkward."

"It's fine, Eric," she said as she rolled away from him. "Just go away, enjoy your time off, and I'll see you when we come back after the new year."

“We need to talk about yesterday,” Eric answered nervously.

“There’s nothing to talk about. It was Christmas time, I had too much to drink, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. So it doesn’t matter,” she answered as she curled into a tighter ball under to covers.

“I think we need to talk about it, Nell. Because if we don’t, it’s just going to make going back to work weirder.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Anything that happened only happened because I was drunk. No other reason.”

“So you’re not in love with Callen?” Eric asked gently.

“What?” she asked as the pulled the blanket back and stared at him.

“Last night, I went to kiss you, and you blurted out you were in love with Callen and started crying,” Eric shook his head. “You don’t remember any of that do you?”

“I don’t remember anything after the rum,” she answered.

Eric nodded. “You’re not a good drinker, Nell. You just don’t have the body weight for it.”

“I told you that I was in love with Callen?” she asked.

He nodded. “I tried to get you to tell me why, but you were crying so hard that none of it made much sense.”

She nodded. “It was nothing. Forget that I said anything about it.”

Eric sighed. “You’re my best friend. I can’t just forget that you said something like that.”

“Please, Eric. Whatever I said, just forget that I said it,” she said with a frown. “None of it matters because he doesn’t feel a single thing for me.”

“That isn’t true,” Eric said carefully. “I’ve seen him the last few weeks, and he’s different around you. I didn’t know why he was, but I noticed that he was. And last night it suddenly made sense.”

“He told me it didn’t mean anything,” she said. “He told me that it was just, that it was nothing.”

“Callen’s never been in a real relationship,” Eric said. “He’s never done a single normal thing in his life. Everything about him is what legends are made of. And maybe the problem is that he’s scared.”

She snorted. “G. Callen does not get scared.”

“How do you know that?” Eric answered. “I mean he’s never had a real family. No one’s ever wanted him that long. He’s never set down roots, and everything in his life had taught him that eventually everyone leaves. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Why would I?” she asked.

“Because you’re young, and your IQ is off the charts, and you’re going to want a family with a nice guy your own age one day with little smart babies running around,” Eric said. “Someone like your partner instead of him.”

Nell glared at him. “I’m sorry I kissed you yesterday, ok? I shouldn’t have. But that doesn’t mean that I’m interested in you that way. It just means I was lonely.”

"I'm not saying that you are," Eric said gently. "I'm saying that Callen would think that way."

"What should I do Eric?" she said with a sigh.

"Well, first you should get dressed. Then I'll make you some breakfast," he said with a sad grin. "Then we'll figure out how to show Callen how you feel."

She nodded. "Thanks, Eric."

He shrugged. "You're my best friend. And if he's who's going to make you happy, then I'll help anyway I can."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish it could be you."

"Me too, rock star. Me too."

She bit her lower lip as he stepped out of the room. With a sigh she fell back against his pillow. On the one hand she was thankful that nothing had happened. On the other hand, she knew that he was hurting over the fact that he didn't have a chance with her. She wished it could be him, that hadn't been a lie. When she kissed him the night before she had wanted there to be fireworks and everything fall into place. And it had been nice. But it hadn't been enough. And no matter how guilty that made her feel, she knew he would never be enough.




Part 2

She wasn't sure how she and Eric has pulled it off, but Callen's house looked like a winter wonderland. She and Eric has spent the last couple of days decorating Callen's house with a tree, lights, garland, two stocking, and a small selection of other decorations, including an inflatable Santa in a helicopter in Callen's backyard.

She knew that he would either love it, and her, or hate it, and possibly, hate her. She had gotten to talk to him once in ops when Eric called the ship to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. He had seemed sad that he wasn't in LA with her, and she was glad when Eric stepped out of the room to let her talk to him alone. He said that he missed her, so that was something. She could only hope that he missed her the same way she missed him.

Eric had called her when the team landed in LA. She had been waiting at his house for his arrival, but when Eric called she changed into the red, fur trimmed lingerie that she had purchased half price the day before. Over it she loosely tied a red satin robe. Her feet were bare as sat down on the thick blankets that she had brought from her apartment and spread on the floor. A bottle of wine and two fluted glasses sat beside the blankets.

She heard his key in the lock, and her stomach flip-flopped. What if he hated it and what if he didn't want to see her? As she heard the door open, she knew it was too late to question what she was doing. It couldn't be undone.

She could hear him walking down the hallway, commenting on the decorations. When he stepped into the living room, she nervously bit her lip, waiting for him to talk.

He didn't say anything. Instead he dropped his bag on the floor and held his arms out to her, a smile on his face. She stood and stated toward him when she tripped on her robe and stumbled forward. He stepped forward and caught her, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her close.

"Merry Christmas," she said softly.

"You did all this?" he asked.

She nodded. "Eric helped."

"Why?"

She wiggled out of his grasp and took his hand. Pulling him over to the blankets she motioned for him to sit down. He sat, and she knelt beside him. Gently she touched his cheek with her hand.

"I like you, G Callen. I like you a whole lot. And when you said we were nothing, it hurt. Because I think we're something. I think we're already something and we have been for a while. I know you've been hurt before, and I can't promise that it'll always be perfect, but I'm not going to let you walk away from me just because you're scared."

"Scared?" he asked. "You think I'm scared?"

She nodded. "The alternative is that you don't have feelings for me at all. And I don't like that alternative."

"Why would I be scared?" he asked as his hand began to stroke her knee.

"Because you're never done this before. Never allowed anyone to be close. Never set down roots. And I would be a root. If you feel something for me, it means that you wouldn't be able to run off. And that could be a scary thought."

"If I wanted to run off, you would just come with me," he said softly.

"I would?" she asked.

He nodded. "You would."

"Why would I?"

"Because you know that I have feelings for you. And you won't let me get away. And because I'd ask you," he answered. "I had a lot of time to think on the ship. And I decided that if you would have me, I would do everything I needed to in order to keep you. I watched Kensi and Deeks, and they're crazy about each other. Then there was Hetty, full of stories, but at the end of the day, she was alone. And I don't want to look back on my life, and be alone with nothing but stories."

She grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. Leaning into him, she softly kissed his lips. She felt his arms wrap around her waist as he pulled her back until they were both lying on the blankets. She broke this kiss and rested her head on his chest as he began to gently stroke her back.

"Stay?" he asked softly.

"Always."





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